Entry #207 - On My Weekend with Friends

Last weekend, I met up with my HS friend Ria who I haven't saw since high school graduation. We been friends since freshmen year and it was really nice seeing her again after a long time. They - her sister and her boyfriend - drove all the way from Canada to visit New York. We met at 6th Avenue, and by chance happened to be where the Scottish parade. After watching guys on skirts playing bagpipes, we went to Chinatown to check if we would be able to find cheap Iphones - but unfortunately, we weren't able to. The trip downtown was uncomfortable for me since I had my period that time and I kinda stained my jeans. Good thing I was wearing a long sweater, which covered up my embarrassment. We had lunch at this Vietnamese place and spent the day touring Canal Street. Then we went to Times Square and took pictures of 42nd Street. I felt like a tourist, posing in the middle of the street. It was fun until I have to leave them all and go meet up Jen at her place.

At 7pm, I went straight to Jen's place since she invited me just to hang out, for the last time, with Gretchen. I was surprised that she invited some of our co-workers from Neil's. We had pizza, buffalo wings, drinks and of course, card games - played a few rounds of Apples to Apples. My plan was to actually stay over for the night but Ernesto had a car and he lives in the Bronx so I opted to go home even if it was already 12am. Honestly, I'm gonna miss them - Jen, Horacio, Gretchen, JL - when I leave New York. They're like family to me and I know I wouldn't find friends like them anywhere.

Anyway, When I got home, my brother Angelo was there, sleeping in my bed. So me and Gavin spent the night on the couch. My dad, his wife and VJ had a party to go to here in New York and my brother Angelo ask if he could stay over with us. We dropped him off at my dad's friend's place Sunday morning, were we spent the whole day hanging out with my dad. It was good that at least I was able to see my dad before I go back home in Manila.

It's my last week at work and I just can't wait for my last day. I'll be working till Saturday, though, since my boss wants an extra training day for the new girl who's gonna be replacing me. Honestly, I can't concentrate at work anymore since my mind's already in Manila. Right now, work's the least of my priorities. I just want to go home.

Entry #206 - On our Easter Weekend and When Gavin Went to Work

To be honest, Holy Week's not really a big thing here. Not like in the Philippines, Holy week is just any ordinary week. People, like me, still had to work and keep ourselves busy. All TV stations still had all the regular shows and you wouldn't really see the significance unless you're really really into such a devout Catholic and would opt to take everything on a hold just to celebrate the week. I kinda missed spending Holy week in the Philippines. Aside from the fact that it's a whole week off from work and stress, it's actually the time that everybody gets to spend time together with family.

I just heard from my mom that Jenna spent hers with Paolo and his family and from our last conversation, she seemed to have fun being with her cousins. Although it still bothers me that she'll be spending time with my ex and his wife, I know that I'm giving Jenna the opportunity to choose and decide what her real feelings she should have with her birthfather without being influenced by what I say. In the end, she wouldn't feel that I deprived her getting to know the guy who's suppose to act as a father to her. It still does upset me that she gets to be with my ex's wife but I just keep telling myself that despite everything that goes along with her and Jenna, I am still her mother and nothing can ever change that.

As for me and Gavin, I had to work the whole week. One of our office staff resigned (and this would be the nth employee saying bye-bye in our office) and I had to assume her responsibilities on top of mine. I know it's hard and sometimes I just want to complain but I just keep saying to myself that I have to be patient and the weeks would just go by and I'll be going soon anyway. The girl that resigned had this fight with my boss regarding ethics. Well, my boss wanted her to do something quite "unethical" in her standard and she just stood up to what she believed. My boss told her that if she didn't want to do it, then she'll have to leave. I know, as a fact, that I am an efficient worker. Just tell me what you want to be done and I'll do it as best as I could without complains whatsoever. But there are cases when you just have to choose whether you'll have to break the rules or follow your principles. Anyway, it turns out that my boss hates being contradicted so she had to let her go the moment she turned in her resignation. And so, there I am, working my ass twice as hard as anybody can ever imagine. I mean, just imagine yourself answering calls after calls after calls and you still have piles of charts to write notes on plus billing patients, filing claims, calling insurance companies - and these companies put you on hold for like forever - and the doctor still harrasses me with not filling up the appointment book. The work never really ends even when you leave the office.

Good thing, Gavin and I got a break when we spent the weekend at Jen's house. We - us plus Jen and Horacio - went to the mall, had dinner out and just relaxed the whole day. It was fun having to hang around with friends after a very stressful week. And I was able to have someone watch over Gavin for awhile. Jen even succeeded in putting Gavin to sleep. For Easter Sunday, we attended services at Horacio's church. He's a Christian so the service was way different from the regular Mass we Catholics have. And to be honest, I did enjoy it. It wasn't boring, no long sermons, people participated - the places was packed - and there was a lot of singing. The pastor was keen into getting the people to respond to what he was saying and there wasn't any awkward moment of silence. If the Sunday mass was this lively, I wouldn't be so lazy to go to church. I told my sister about it and even suggested that I switch churches. Why not? As what my mom told me, as long as you have that faith and you believe in a Higher being, there's no big difference whether you're a Catholic, a Muslim or a Jew. Eventhough I was raised Catholic, attended Catholic school and continues to hold on to my Catholic beliefs, I actually got tired of the whole brouhaha with the church and the conflicts they have with technically everything. That's why I rarely go to church. People can call it a sin but I know that my faith's still intact, I still believe in God and I still know my prayers. Probably I just need to find the right way of professing my faith wherein I would be more comfortable opening up. Well, though the weekend was too short, I had fun while it lasted. Gavin was able to spend time with his ninang and I was able to share a special day with my friends.

Yesterday, I had some problems with my daycare so I called the office informing them that I wouldn't be coming in. But my boss was quite persistent that I come to work so I ended up bringing Gavin with me. It was uncomfortable having Gavin around while I had to focus on what I have to do in the office. My boss left early so she wasn't there to witness Gavin wailing like crazy because he missed his naptime. He was annoyed that he was cramped up the whole day in his strolled when normally he's in a crib or playpen. I was answering calls with a baby in my arm and entering claims using just on hand. It was a miracle that I was able to finish the whole pile of payments to be entered with the pace I had in typing them in with one hand in the keyboard and the other holding Gavin. Glenn was upset that I brought Gavin along and told me that I should have insisted that the office is not a good place to bring a baby. I know he's right but as a parent I know that whatever happens I would still put Gavin as my priority. And 7 hours flew by so fast (I was late for 2 hours), I didn't even realize it was time to go home.

My co-workers seemed amazed that I'm able to juggle motherhood and work - by myself. They say a baby's quite a handful already and work's a killer so it's unimaginable how I'm coping with everything. Well, I said that it take a lot of patience to get through every day without going insane. Although one of the nurses asked me why I'm not losing weight despite taking care of Gavin and work. Well, when you're tired, you tend to eat more just to have enough energy and since I don't get to eat on time, I eat just about anything when I get the chance. But to be honest, if they've seen me before I had Gavin, they would have said that I've lost weight - since now I have to wear a belt just so my regular jeans won't end up falling down, and my bra went one cup size down. Anyway, I love being a mom more than anything else so as a parent, I would do anything just to give my kids everything they need - even if it means sacrificing my time, my insanity, my dreams of having the perfect figure, and my sleep.

Well, that's it for now. I just needed a few minutes to vent out what's been going on lately. Will update just as soon as something interesting comes up. For now, this blog wouldn't have anymore daily update, just until I quit my job and have some time for myself.

Entry #205 - On What's New with Gavin and Mommy

Mommy Chi and Gavin are both fine. Despite the lack of update on this blog, we've been working out a few things before we fly back to Manila this coming April.

Gavin turned six months a while back (Feb. 29) but with work and all, I wasn't able to post any new pictures since then. He's growing up pretty fast and as far as I know, he's such an active baby. Three weeks ago, he fell off the bed because he's been rolling over and over. He gave me a scare that day since a part of his head started to swell so I rushed him to the ER. The doctor told me that the swelling would subside eventually and that I have to monitor any changes within 24 hours of the falls. But all in all, though pretty shaken up, Gavin seemed fine and well. My mom told me that he would have more bumps and bruises as he gets older and even with all the preventive measures, an active and playful boy like him would have to fall once in a while.

A week after that stunt, I had to take off from work again because Gavin had some difficulty breathing. The doctor said his lungs were congested and gave him albuterol. Although asthma runs in the family, babies his age who are in daycare are prone to bronchiolitis which has the same symptoms of asthma. But still, I was adviced to give him the medication just until his breathing returns to normal. And even if he seems happy inspite of the wheezing, I was still concerned about how he seemed to be grasping for air all the time. The doctor prescribed him the same medication for those suffering from asthma - the puff. But since he's an infant, each puff is given through an aerochamber. She also gave him some antibiotics because she saw that he has an ear infection. I didn't see that coming because he wasn't complaining about it and he didn't have any fever. After a week of treatment, we went back to the doctor's for a follow-up and she said that his lungs sounds clear, his ears looks fine and wouldn't need more medication for the meantime. During his well-baby appointment, they gave him another round of vaccine. He now weighs almost 19 pounds and is about 67 cm long. Now I know why my back seems to be killing me whenever he's in the Snugli. That much weight plus the baby back is enough to break anyone's back.

Right now, we're all set for our trip back to Manila. Most of our stuff were already picked up for sea cargo and Gavin's passport was already delivered. He looks so cute in his passport photo that I can't stop myself from laughing every time I look at it. We also got our tickets ready and Glenn's all set with picking us up once we arrive. Our suitcases are almost filled and Glenn's already been prepped about what Gavin needs once we get there. And eventhough I still have three more weeks at work, I feel like I'm ready to quit. Honestly, my boss is slowly getting into my nerves and to think that I'm really patient all the things I have to do just to please her. But I keep telling myself that I have to be more patient and just let things be since I'm leaving anyway.

Will write more updates before we leave. Honestly, I'm just too excited to even think. I can't wait to see my little girl and Glenn.

Anyway, here are a few pictures of Gavin:

Gavin's first snow experience


Gavin Kulit


What if Gavin was a girl?

Entry #204 - On Updating this Hibernating Blog

I haven't blog for awhile. I know I've been out-of-touch from the blogging world. Well, I've been really (really) really busy with a lot of stuff lately.

As always, work has been pretty hectic. Aside from dealing with insurance/medical billing issues, my boss informed me just recently that she would want me to transcribe/encode all the medical/doctor's notes after each patient's visit. For two days, I've been busy trying to learn this new program (Medinotes) by myself just so I could do my work right. Then I have to submit medical claims as well, in between all the other things I have to do. Honestly, she's turning me into her own 10-in-1 robot that I don't even have the time to eat or have a break for lunch. And since I've been skipping lunch too often, I go home starving that I end up eating too much and having a major tummy ache. I don't know if I should feel happy that she thinks I'm smart enough to handle tons of responsibility or I should feel bad knowing that she hired new people who earns more than me and yet does less work in the office. I really feel so used and abused when I am fully aware that the things I do isn't worth the money being paid to me. But at least I am learning a lot of things I could add to my resume for future use. For the three months that I've been working, I've already mastered the use of RSI Med Software, SmartMove, TigerView, Excel X-ray, Electrical Stimulator, PE Machine, etc.

I've been in a pretty good mood lately since I've finally decided to go home in Manila next month. I just can't handle work and the baby all by myself, with my sister breathing down my neck about me moving out. Seriously, what's so great about the US when my family's back home in Manila? I just want to be with them right now so I've decided to just pack all my stuff and go back home. But everything's still not final. I'm still being offered (by my mom's sister) to move to Texas and work there (she said there's already a job waiting for me). I'm still not sure if I really want to stay permanently in the Philippines once I get there. But at least I already have an option if ever I decide to come back here in the US. Glenn and I would just have to talk about what's best for the family once I'm already there. For now, I'm just excited to go home and see my little girl and Glenn.

Last Tuesday I applied for Gavin's passport and hopefully I'll get it in 4 weeks. I'm also selling a lot of Gavin's things since I don't think I could afford to ship them all to Manila. Glenn wants me to get there before my birthday (April 23) so that we could celebrate it as a family. Also, we've already started planning for Gavin's baptism but we're still undecided on the location - either here in New York or in the Philippines. I've also informed my parents about my decision and at this point in my life, what they think doesn't really matter to me anymore. All I know is that I don't want to be stressed out even more when I am aware that my main support system is just a plane trip away.

Anyway, I can hear Gavin crying in the next room and I'm pretty much tired after a long day of dodging a nasty weather the whole day. It's been snowing since this morning and walking in slush takes a lot of effort, especially when you're carrying a baby and trying not to slip at the same time. By the way, I took pictures of us playing in the snow after we got home from work. I will be posting it as soon as I get my hands free from Gavin duty.

Later..

Excess: I'm still here. I'm okay. Gavin's okay and all is well.

Entry #203 - On A Few Video Clips Of My Little Man

The Cry Baby



Being Independent





My Little Copycat Sucking His Cheeks



Being Malikot in the bed

Entry #202 - On Gavin's Fifth Month

Gavin turned 5 months last week and I wasn't able to post an update on what's new with my little man. Since I've been pretty much pre-occupied with work and home, it kinda slipped my mind that he turned another month older.

Gavin's doing great at daycare. In fact, he loves it there that every day, he seems to be wanting to stay there than be with me. Whenever I pick him up, he's always happy. The daycare lady told me that Gavin's quite fond of books. Everytime he starts to act fussy, she would just read him a picture book and he'll calm down. He's favorite book is the one with photos of babies in it (I forgot the title).

Gavin's front teeth is also starting to come out. Last week, he had a slight case of diarrhea which turns out to be one of the signs that he's teething. I bought him this teether wherein you could put real food in it and it really helps relieve the discomforts. He loves it when I put pieces of banana or a small slice of apple.

With regards to food, Gavin has already tried a wide variety of mixed fruits and vegetables. And since I really couldn't feed him anything with chicken, he's starting to get use to enjoying a "meatless" diet. He's not a picky eater and consumes anything I feed him, from mashed peas (that smells and tastes like mungo) and buttersquash to apples with mixed cereals and cinnamon. His all-time favorite would be a combination of bananas, apples and peaches.

At 5 months, he can now roll over without help, hold his bottle by himself, laugh when you make funny faces, reach for his toys, have a good time in a jumperoo and sleep by himself at night. He can now fit into 12-month-sized clothes, size 3 diapers and size 2-3 shoes. I can now carry him in a Snugli facing forward and could sit in his strolled in an upright position. He loves reaching for his toes, grabbing into whatever he could reach and play with his toys.

My little man's growing up so fast that sometimes I wish I was a stay-at-home mom so that I wouldn't miss out on the new things he learns everyday. Now that he spends 10 hours aways from me, I feel like I wasn't there to witness certain moments in Gavin's everyday, even the simple things about him. I really have been spending less time with him since he usually goes straight to bed once we get home from daycare. But in our situation right now, being a working mom is the only option for me to give everything that he needs (and Jenna's as well). I'm sure he knows that I love him despite the lack of time we spend together. And I won't get tired to reminding him how much love I have for him.

Here are a few pictures of Gavin (at 5 months)











Gavin's teether

Entry #201 - On Still Being Grateful

Life is just so unpredictable. One moment you're on the verge of giving up, the next moment everything just falls into place. It's kinda crazy to be all fired up with all the sudden expectations just to fidn out later on that there's no need to hurry things. So you wake up every morning just to realize that despite everything that you have to endure just to get by, you still feel blessed that you still get the chance to see a new day, even if it means facing another round of disapointments and frustrations.

Last week, I was just about to give up. I felt so miserable, that I was mad at everybody, even with Glenn. Then something changed, probably by God's grace. Maybe He's testing my faith under pressure and I think I passed, in a way. Well now, it's safe to say that Gavin and I still have a place to stay, a roof above our heads and a warm bed at night. During the weekend, my mom had a talk with my sister and, in a way, convinced her to let me stay until I could secure my own place. After admitting that its difficult to find an apartment I could afford inspite of all my efforts, my sister decided that I could stay with her for as long as I need to, minus the pressure and the rush to move out. I don't know what she and my mom talked about but it probably made her see what I have to go through. I also don't know what she told her husband but for the last two days, he seemed more civilized towards me than before.

I know that I've made a lot of mistakes in the past I'm not really proud of, hurt a lot of people in the process and lost the respect from the ones close to me. Everyday seems like I'm paying for what I've done and I accept it as part of the consequences for my actions. But I'm grateful that eventhough life hits me hard on the face, I can still get to be here. I can still wake up and thank God for whatever I have, for my kids, for a new morning, for just being alive even with the hardships. Every waking moment means that I can still have the chance to correct the things I've done wrong, repent for my sins and walk towards the right path.

Though I'm still dealing with a hot-tempered boss, the challenge of getting an apartment and making ends meet, I'm grateful for the life a have. It may not be perfect but my faith, Glenn and my two wonderful children make it worthwhile. And I'm gonna be okay no matter what happens, as long as I keep hanging in there.

Entry #200 - On Being Homeless

While watching the homeless guy on the subway today, I suddenly felt connected to him because by the weekend, I'm gonna be just like him, another person without a place to stay.

You see, I have to move out of my sister's apaprtment this coming weekend, irregardless of whether or not I get to secure the apartment I've been waiting from the broker for two weeks now. Just today, I had this sudden urge to jump in the train tracks just to ease my mind with all the stress I have to deal with. Right now, I'm so overtired at work, my boss is mad-crazy all the time, Gavin's not feeling well, my paychecks take forever to clear, and I still don't have a place to stay. I just don't know how much more I could take.

Even with Gavin here to cheer me up, I don't even have the strength to look at the bright side of things anymore. My prayers fall on deaf ears, I've got no support system, I have no family, no help and no means to make life better for me. I try so hard to find ways to solve all my problems even stoop down to the lowest just to get by every day but everything just keeps piling up and I don't know if I could carry any more load.

I can't eat, sleep or even relax because of too much pressure all around me. My job keeps me preoccupied all the time that there are days when I don't get to have a decent lunch break. By the time I get home, I have to deal with my sister who keeps harassing me with questions about moving out, or getting my WIC checks and other what-nots that I couldn't possibly accomplish right away because I'm too busy earning a living. Then there's Gavin who, just recently, has been feeling sick with diarrhea and vomiting. Honestly, I'm no superwoman, I only got one body and two hands that I just can't handle everthing being thrown at me all at the same time.

Out of sheer desperation, I couldn't believe that I had the guts to contract the NYC Department of Homeless Services and find out how me and Gavin can get placement in a shelter. That felt like the lowest point in my life, next to being flat out broke. I was forcing myself not to cry just so I could understand the things being explained to me. I just had to do something so that we wouldn't end up in the streets, literally. I cannot force my sister to let me stay longer since I've already extended my welcome, and I couldn't force the broker with the apartment if he really couldn't find one for me. I had no other choice since I have no where else to go.

For now, I'm still hoping to hear good news from the broker. Until then, I'll be holding my breath and hope for the better.

Entry #199 - On The Need to Keep Our Children Safe

Our children are not safe anymore, even in our own neighborhood. This I discovered from a horrible news that my mom told me the other day.

When I called her the other day to check on Jenna, she told me that one of Jenna's playmates (a girl only 6 months older) was molested by the same guy who has been delivering softdrinks for my mom's store. Apparently, the girl knew the guy and wasn't afraid to ride with him when she was offered a lift from the school to her house (which is just 4 house away from my mom's house). Normally, she just walks home after school with her mother but it just so happens that her mother had to be somewhere. Thinking that it was safe (since the school is just by the end of our street), the mom allowed her daughter to go home by herself, given that in our neighborhood, everybody knows everybody and it was still in the middle of the day when school ends. Anyway, after getting a ride on the guy's tricycle, the girl had no idea that she was about to experience the worst thing any little girl could every imagine. Upon getting off the ride, the guy touch her on her private part and pushed his finger inside her and started "playing with her" until he was able to relieve himself infront of her (I'm sorry for the detailed explanation). She's only 7 years old so I'm sure that the only thing going through her mind is fear that if she screamed or fight back, worse things might happen. The girl was in shock after the incident that she only told her mom about it after three days because she was scared that the guy might do something to her again. And she was actually forced to tell her mom about what happened after she started to have difficulty peeing.

I feel so bad because I know this little girl and she's really pretty. I've seen how she loved to play with my daughter in the afternoons after school and how she would always come to our store to buy candies. She's this sweet girl with long hair and had a nice smile on her face all the time. Her mom is friends with my mom and her older sister is my brother's classmate. But after this violation, she would end up traumatized for a long time. Her father, who is an OFW in KSA, had to go home on an emergency leave for 20 days after hearing about what happened to his daughter. They pressed charges but unfortunately, the guy's already on the run and they couldn't trace him anymore. They even found out that he's also wanted in Nueva Ecija for killing a man. They had her examined by a doctor and the results were withheld to the parents unless released by a "medico legal" (Don't ask me why but that's what my mom told me).

It's quite shocking to learn that a murderer/child predator was actually in our midst and we didn't even know about it. I even met this guy a number of times when I was still in Manila for my 6-month stay and he would flirt with Jenna's yaya everytime he delivered softdrinks for my mom. He did looked harmless but in this case, looks can be deceiving. And to think that I always assumed that it was safe for Jenna to be playing with her friends outside since we know everybody in the neighborhood. And there's always a grown-up looking after them, either a playmate's mother or one of the yayas - It's like this unwritten code that someone (a mom or a yaya) would have to be there to watch over all the kids when they're outside. I've done that before when I was in Manila and it made me feel secure about my daughter's safety given that I know all the parents and yayas of my daughter's friends.

But after what happened, my mom doesn't allow Jenna to go outside anymore. She can only play with her friends if she's in our front yard behind closed gates. She can't go out anymore without either my brother (who's 18), Glenn, her yaya or my mom. This incident has invoked fear in the minds of everybody who lives on our block, that the children could be in danger since the guy hasn't been uprehended yet. The usual street filled with children is now stripped off with its innocence. It's scary that for only a moment, the safety of our children is compromised by a man who couldn't keep his pants to himself. And what's worse, the law enforcers are so slow with taking necessary measures.

I told my sister that if I was that girl's mom, I would probably taken the law into my own hands and strip him dead so that he would not have to ruin another girl's life. I said, I don't care if I had to go to jail but I would feel at ease that I have rid the world of another person capable of screwing with the justice system and with another child's future. I know I'm just being ahead of myself with all this crap about what I would have done but in reality it's really hard to place myself in the shoes of that girl's mom. You really wouldn't know what you're reaction might be until it happens to you. But God forbid, I hope it wouldn't happen to either Jenna,Gavin or Sophie (who's like a daughter to me). As a mother, I'm sure it took a lot of control for the girl's mom not act uncivilized because honestly, I would have been your typical mad woman, with the "itak" ready to made the first strike.

Even before this, I've actually had a heart-to-heart talk with Jenna about safety. I've given her the basics about not talking to strangers, not accepting anything from people she doesn't know, not talking to guys except Daddy and family members, not accepting drinks and candy from guys other than the guys in the family and never ever let anybody touch her in her private part, except when Mommy/Lola/yaya/tita is giving her a bath - when I mean nobody, this includes even family members. I told her not to be afraid to shout for help, to make "sumbong" or to complain when something is wrong. I also told her not to be afraid to tell me, Daddy or Lola about anything that bothers her. I told her a number of times that her family is her safety zone and we couldn't do anything to help her and make her feel secure unless she talks to us. Mostly, girls her age get scared easily but I told her that me and her Daddy would do anything to make her fears go away, and that she could rely on us even with personal issues she finds too embarrasing to talk about. I've made her repeat a number of times what the safety rules are until her wouldn't be able to forget it anymore. I even have her memorize her address and telephone number by heart.

Here in the US, the law has made some changes with regards to molesters by requiring them to register. It does make a difference because it gives awareness to parents. And although discrimation issues surface all the time, its always the children's safety that matters. Even online, you can check who in your neighborhood is a registered offender. In the Philippines, the non-aggressiveness of the police force adds up to a growing number of child predators. If you're a CSI or Law and Order fan, I'm pretty sure they don't do it the same way in Manila. They really are doing a sloppy job because the guy slipped away from them, the second time around. And for expense reasons, some businesses tend to hire people without doing a full background. Given that the guy is already wanted for murder, if his employer did his job in checking him out, then maybe he would be in jail right now instead of running away from the law.

You never really know what's safe and what's not anymore, especially with all the changes that our society has gone through. It's just sad what our society has evolved into. More and more news are coming out about kids getting raped, killed, molested or violated. More and more events have paved the way for criminals and predators to freely walk the streets. And its about time that we have to act up in order for us provide safety for our kids' sake. It's their right to enjoy their childhood, shouldn't we, as parents, enforce that right?

Entry #198 - On Gavin's Video Update

So here's the video of Gavin turning over in bed. This was taken last January 8. As of today, he has actually done more than the initial rolling over, without any help from me anymore.

Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing - Photo Books

Here's another video of Gavin, laughing at me while I make funny faces behind the camera. He just loves playing with Mommy after a long day at the daycare.


Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing - Photo Books

I'll be posting more video soon when I find the time. For now, enjoy watching my little man do his special trick.

Entry #197 - On Little Toesies

Barely 5 months, Gavin already discovered his toes. It takes me forever to change his diaper because of this new thing he learned - reaching for his toes. He just loves grabbing on to his feet and just trying to balance himself like a ball about to roll over the bed. And because he's quite a chunky baby, the natural baby flexibility doesn't help that much since his tabachingching legs and belly just get in the way.

My little man's definitely a big boy now. He smiles a lot, moves a lot, and really eats a lot. I keep telling Glenn that at this rates of feeding, I'll end up half broke because of baby food and milk. He consumes a small can of milk worth $16 for barely two days. And then there's the bottled water, bottled baby food, rice cereals and fruit juice.

Anyway, going back to his toesies, this feat has given him a new way to exercise himself even when in between diaper changes. He gets to stretch out those muscles all the time, especially when Mommy's just to tired to do his regular massages. By now, his learning how to balance himself, explore new things and make everybody laugh as well. Yeah, it's actually funny whenever he gets into the mood of holding on to his toes until he gets tired of reaching. His squirmy little face just makes me smile all the time. And when he does it with so much gusto, he ends up rocking himself back and forth to the point wherein he'll just desperately try to do the whole thing all over again.

I'll try to post either a picture or a video of Gavin and his toesies when I get the chance to use an actual computer for blogging. For now, it's only updates and what-nots since I always end up blogging by phone.

Later...

Entry #196 - On A Mother's Wishful Thinking

Have you ever felt like you're missing out a lot just because you're a young mom? Me, I feel that way sometimes.

When one of my co-workers asked me how old I am, she was surprised that at 25, I already got two kids. She's only a few years older than me, a nurse by profession and without the responsibilities of motherhood, she can pretty much do whatever she wants like travel anywhere, Friday night gimmicks and buy expensive things. And everytime she tells me things about what her vacation plans are, I do envy her sometimes because being single gives her more room to do what she wants.

Sometimes, when I check my friendster and see some pictures of my HS classmates, I soemtimes feel like I haven't fully experienced living life because the only thing stopping me is the fact that I became a mom at 18. I see them go to different places, without caring too much about daycare or expenses. I see them partying on weekend nights or wearing beautiful clothes while I'm at home every night in my pajamas with a baby to take care of. And the things I spend my money on is for my kids' stuff.

Dont get me wrong. I'm not saying I regret being a mom. I LOVE BEING A MOTHER TO JENNA AND GAVIN. Having them is the best thing that has ever happened to me. But the role I play just keeps me wanting for more. I see people my age enjoying their success and here I am, troubled with too much to think about. There's just a lot of things going on that I sometimes wish I don't have to carry that much responsibility. When you're a mother, instinct tells you to prioritize your children's needs but in the back of your mind, don't you sometimes think that you had more for yourself?

I feel such a bad mother for even thinking this way. But I don't want to be a hypocrite for denying what I feel. For once in my life, I am allowing myself to stop holding back my thoughts of what I wish my life would have become. Just the other day, I was telling my sister how hard it is to be a full-time single mom. We were comparing life before we had the kids and you get to miss sleeping more on the weekends without any worries of waking up for feeding session or diaper change.

The one thing I plan to tell my kids when they're older is that they should enjoy single life first before having kids so that they wouldn't end up like me, always thinking of 'what could have been'. It's refreshing to actually accept the responsibility when you're really ready for it, when you have a full-time partner to help you out and when you have the resources to give your kids the future they deserve.

My kids did change my life and I've come to love the role I play in their lives. Maybe I'm just having doubts on how I am handling motherhood, if I'm doing a good job. You'll never really know until the kids are all grown up and I could say to myself that I've raised them well despite all the things I have to live with. For now, I'm just trying to hold on to the past and figuring out if my life, as a mother, is actually on the right track.

Entry #195 - Photos from my Weekend in PA

I'm just gonna post some of the weekend pictures I took in PA. It's late but I just wanna share these photos. No more "side kwentos" this time since I'm really too tired to think. I will try to really update my blog this week, when I get enough sleep/rest.

Family photo (L-R back : Me carrying Gavin, my brother Angelo; front : my sister Sheryll, Tita Lilia carrying my brother VJ, my niece Sophie, my dad and my BIL Eddie)

My dad with Gavin, VJ and Sophie

Mommy and Gavin

Gavin loving VJ's walker

Sophie trying to put her uncle VJ to sleep

Entry #194 - On Our Weekend in Pennsylvania

My weekend with my dad in PA went well. I did enjoy my stay eventhough I wasn't able to do any shopping. It was relaxing to not do anything since my brother, Angelo, was ther to look after Gavin for me.

My 10-month-old brother, VJ is just so adorable. But despite the 5-month gap, Gavin's as big as him. They look like twins when they're together but totally different in many ways. While Gavin is an active, smiley and bungisngis baby, VJ is the complete opposite. He's timid, serious and laid back. Gavin's more independent and easy to handle, based on what I noticed.

Anyway, I'll be posting the pictures as soon as I get hold of a computer since my phone doesn't have that much memory to store a lot of pictures and videos.

Later...

Entry #193 - On Mobile Blogging

Hehehehe... this is so cool. Im blogging through my new phone. I just got it last night. The whole ordeal of getting this phone was just a nightmare. I had this shipped by fedex. But they weren't able to deliver it due to some stupid reason about their contract with my phone company. Anyway, I had to travel from where I live to Mt. Vernon with Sophie and Gavin just to pick it up. I had to pay the cab $40 to that station and back home. I'm just glad the cab driver was kind enough to wait while I waited inline for them to track my package. I was just so angry, I was literally cursing at them the whole time. I just didn't get the point of paying for shipping and I still had to pick it up. Anyway, that's over, I have my phone and I'm loving it. Right now, I'm in thr car on my way to Pennsylvania to see my dad. Just testing if my phone can post this entry.
Later.

Entry #192 - On Letting You Guys Know That I'm Still Here

Sorry for the lack of updates.

I've been busy at work and tired at home that I couldn't find the time to squeeze blogging in my schedule. Eventhough I want to keep track of my daily happenings, it's just too much for me to even sit in front of the computer and think of words to say. At the end of the day, all I really crave for is sleep.

Work has been crazy the past few days. My boss keeps hyperventilating all the time that I get nervous everytime she calls for me. She did complement me on my working skills but she keeps complaining about office affairs all the time. I try to keep up with the pace at the office but I feel like I'm always on my toes trying to juggle three to four things at a time. Since I'm the new comer, I feel off the loop sometimes with the whole process of what-to-do's and what-not's. And although my boss called me "sweet" the other day, she said that being who I am wouldn't really make me a good salesperson, now that she wants everybody in the office to start selling some beauty/skin products and jewelry to all our patients, with the promise that we could get 10% commission. To be honest, my personality really doesn't fit into the whole business of sales. You could make me do all the complicated stuff like billing or computer-related issues but it would be a REAL challenge for me to convince someone to buy something from me.

Gavin's doing great. He just started to learn how to roll over. It's really amazing to see him actually doing new things. (I took a video of him with his new trick. I'll try to upload it by this weekend.) The lady at the daycare said that he might walk early since he can't seem to get enough of turning over. But with this new change, I definitely can't leave him in bed unattended anymore. Glenn's gonna kill me if for some reason Gavin might fall in the bed and hurt himself. Another thing with Gavin is that he now sleeps by himself at night. All I do is just lie down beside him and in a few minutes he'll fall asleep. And he sleeps a good 6 hours before waking up for a bottle of milk, which he (sometimes) hold by himself. All I need to do (that breaks my sleep) is change his diaper (twice). This whole new nightly routine seems to be a bit perfect for me since I get more sleep than usual eventhough I still get to wake up early in the morning.

Today, I went to see an apartment. It's a nice one bedroom unit, attached to a private home. It's not that big but it's good enough for me and Gavin. Compared to a studio, the kitchen is separate to the bedroom, which is good for me since I don't want us to be smelling like food everytime I cook. And the best part is that the rent includes the utilities, which means I don't have to think about electricity anymore. Hopefully, I get to have the apartment. It's not perfect but it's near the daycare so it's good enough for me. I'll be sending the documents needed tomorrow for the owner to check before he agrees to have the lease signed. I just hope I'd get it before it starts snowing again. I'm just getting tired of the whole routine of travelling from here (where I live) to the daycare and back. And it's getting to expensive for me, as well. So I really really really (so desperately) want to have that apartment. I hope God hears my prayers.

We'll be spending the weekend at my dad's place. We'll be leaving on the early morning of Saturday to get there before lunchtime. I don't know if I should be excited or not but I am looking forward to it. My dad even called my sister to tell her that he wants me and Gavin to come along for the weekend. The only downside to the trip is that I'll be bring a lot of baby stuff, which would really iritate my sister (who hates a lot of carry-ons). Being the OC mom, I always want everything I could possibly need whenever I'm away from home. Everyday, my baby bag for daycare is actually stuffed with too much things that the daycare lady doesn't use. But I always want to be on the safe side, right? You may never know if suddenly Gavin might need more than one change of clothes or Vaseline, lotion, rash ointment, etc. Well, I just hope the weekend won't be a bust. I know I won't be doing any shopping since I'm saving up money. But I just wish I'd have a good time with my dad's family.

Anyway, it's getting late and my eyes are about to pop out of my eyes. I still have 6 hours of rest before I have to get back to my day job as Gavin's supermom.

Later...

The Working Blog - DIET MIND SPIRIT

For the New Year, I wish to strive in improving who I am, body mind spirit. I hope to find a more positive approach to life for me to become the best in whatever I want for the future. Also, I do plan for this 2008 that I would be less depress and find ways for me to make my day more meaningful. Honestly, I’m just too tired of living my life with too much stress and hopelessness.

Being a mother, it's no surprise that my kids would eventually view me as their role model. In order to do so I have to make some changes in myself so that I would not end up disappointing them. I need to make a number of sacrifices for me to achieve my goals to live life to its fullest.

Diet Mind Spirit supplies people with advices and tips for personal development. Reading the ideas shared gives people information on how to become a better person. This blog’s main point is about our food intake and how what we eat directly tackles issues on sustaining a healthy body, maintaining the mind on full alert and keeping the spirit alive. With these basics all covered, the path to a full life wouldn’t be impossible to reach.

So add self improvement in your New Year’s resolution list and let Diet Mind Spirit help you get there.

THIS IS A SPONSORED POST

Entry #191 - On Gavin's Recent Well-Baby Appointment

Last Friday, Gavin and I went to the doctor for his well-baby and immunization appointment. Sophie tag along since I was in-charge of picking her up that day and I didn't want to run back and forth just to get her on time. I had to leave work early as well just so I wouldn't miss the appointment. I actually had to reschedule it for a Friday so that I would only have to miss two hours from work.

At four months, Gavin now weighs almost 16 pounds and is 26 inches long. The doctor said he's such a active baby, moving around and smiling a lot. He kept kicking the doctor while she was examining him and even drooled on her hand when she was checking his ears and throat. He had his second dose of vaccination and although he cried after each injection (he had 4), the nurse was able to calm him down right away with some toys for him to play with.

Unfortunately, Gavin acquired something from me that I wish he didn't. The doctor said that Gavin has the early signs of asthma. He's got the wheezing sound when he breathes and he even has the dry patches on his body which indicates skin asthma. And since he started eating, the doctor advised me not to give him anything with peanuts, chicken or egg until he's about a year old. For his skin maintenance, I have to continue applying Vaseline on the dry spots and only give him baths twice a week. Good thing he smells good all the time now that he can't have a bubble bath every other day like before.

Although he doesn't have any breathing problems at the moment, I feel so guilty for passing on to him something that might hinder him from having an active childhood. Despite all the medications to control asthma, there is still that slight possibility that this might stop him from doing things that he might want to do in the future. I know it's too early to predict such things since his asthma could simply go away once he's older. But still, I hate to think of what could happen if it didn't.

The doctor assured me that Gavin's a healthy baby despite finding out about his asthma. He's not showing any signs of struggled breathing and he's growing right on track. He's actually 60% above average with regards to his weight and height. Anyway, he'll have to go back in two months for another well-baby visit. He's a strong boy and I know that this is just another phase he'll grow out eventually.

FAM PICS for JANUARY - AT PLAY

THE TEA PARTY

MY LITTLE DRUMMER BOY

The theme for this month is "At Play" and since Christmas was just a month ago, Sophie and Gavin had a lot of toys to play with. It's fun watching them enjoy playtime and I know that their childhood wouldn't be complete if they didn't have the time to play.

The first one is Sophie and her cousin Jaslyn playing with the tea set Sophie got for Christmas. They've been making such a mess, since they kept spilling water all over the place, that my sister had to place a towel on top of the table where they were playing. Sophie wasn't really happy sharing a chair with Jaslyn while the dolls took over the chairs.

The second picture is of Gavin playing with the drum toy his Ninang Jen gave for Christmas. He likes banging his hands to the sound of the music. It's noisy and annoying but he loves it, especially the lights and the music.

Entry #190 - Just Rambling

Work has been pretty busy. Time seems to fly by so quickly with all the things I have to do and learn as well. This week, though seemed pretty stress-free since my boss is in London for a convention. But I'm sure that when she gets back on Monday, the pressure's on again. She called today telling me that I need to work on how to add more new patients in the schedule and she gets me nervous sometimes just by the way she wants things done right away. Although, she complemented on how well I've been doing the past three weeks.

Anyway, Gavin and I spent our New Year's Eve in bed. We've been sick lately and for the past few days, we've been coughing and sneezing a lot. New Year's Day should have been for relaxation. Unfortunately, I had chores to do and I ended up doing the laundry, washing dirty bottles and doing the groceries. I have had a decent sleep since I started working, even on weekends since Gavin frequently wakes up really early.

The weather has been really chilly. It's been so cold the last couple of days that Gavin has been wearing three to four layers of clothes underneath his jacket/bodysuit. Lately, I've been using the Snugli whenever I bring him at daycare just so he wouldn't freeze in the stroller (even when I have that plastic protector and bunting bag). I think my own body heat helps him stay warmer. Just today, the temperature reached 15 degrees and Gavin's cheeks turned pink even with his comforter wrapped around the Snugli. I just don't know how Gavin's body would react when it's below zero outside and we can't stay indoors.

Honestly, my life seemed to preoccupied lately now that I'm back at work. No more interesting events or happenings to blog about. And my mind's just too fired up to even have any ideas to think about.

Just wanted to share what's been going on with me and Gavin since I haven't been blogging regularly. Hopefully this weekend, I could have more rest, more time to blog and more sleep.

Entry #189 - On What Glenn and Gavin Have in Common

This is what Gavin would say if his Daddy was here.

The Working Blog - LOTS OF JOKES

I am the type of person who laughs easily. No matter how corny or how plain any joke may be, the chances of me not finding it funny would be rather slim. And even if the punchline sucks, I could still find myself giggling like a silly schoolgirl.

Truth be told, when I was in Manila, I would sometimes find myself buying those joke books they sell in National Bookstore and be like one of those people who would scan through the pages and end up reading the whole book in the process. It just feels good to have something to laugh about even when it's just simple anecdotes or lines.

Now that online jokes are everywhere, I don't need to spend money just to have my daily dose of laughter. Lotofjokes.com has a wide range of everything you'll ever need to tickle your funny bone. They have all the funny jokes for every occasion possible. They even have funny pictures, news articles and comics in their collection. They have jokes about pregnant women, celebrities, lawyers, politicians and whatever you can think of in everyday life.

There's nothing more relaxing than having a few laughs once in awhile. The need to laugh just makes anybody's day a bit brighter no matter how stressful life may be sometimes. It's good to know that Lotsofjokes.com can provide the simplest pleasures for everyday delight.

THIS IS A SPONSORED POST

Entry #188 - On Mommy Chi's Year Ender

It's New Year's Eve and I'm at home by myself.

Initially, I was suppose to celebrate New Year's with Owie and JP but I had to work, the daycare's closed and Sheryll took a day off. So I decided that it would be better off if Gavin stayed home with Sheryll and I won't have to travel from Woodhaven to the Bronx (and vice versa) after the holidays. And I needed the rest to I had to tell Owie that I couldn't come. Plus, I was asked to look after Sophie since my sister and Eddie initially wanted to leave Sophie so they could get drunk. But at the last minute my sister felt guilty that she wouldn't have Sophie when 2008 entered to they decided to bring her along.

So here I am, alone for New Year's, with only Gavin to keep me company. Well, I'd rather sleep anyway since I'm just tired to do anything else.

2007 is bidding farewell and it has been quite a journey for me. Despite the downs and lows of 2006, I know that the year has given me a chance to accept change no matter what the costs would be. 2007 has brought me a handfull of hopes, buckets of tears, disappointments and dreams, a new look on faith and a bundle of joy wrapped with so much love.

Here's a recap of my 2007.

January 07 was my very first New Year's Eve with Glenn. We've been away for a most of the year that we were never able to spend any holiday together. This month also came with a big responsibility for me since that was the month when we (me and Glenn) offically confirmed that I was pregnant. It wasn't really a surprise because we've been talking about having a baby but we still had a lot of adjusting to do. It was also in January when I starting a new blog. I decided to move out from where I had been blogging for four years (Sequel to Summons) and start anew, thus Renewed Soul.

April 07 was the month I had to fly back to New York after my six-month stay with my family. At first, I had to adjust with my unemployed status. Then I had a hard time coping with being pregnant without help from Glenn. I was depressed most of the time but I had to deal with reality so I tried my best to do what I have to do in order to keep myself sane - just until the baby comes out

May 07 was the start of my weekly pre-natal appointments. I had a high-risk pregnancy with Gavin that the doctor needed to see me every week, with a lot of tests and examinations and medications. I even had the cancer scare that month, followed by my continuous vomitting episodes.

June 07 was when I signed up for PPP. Being a newbie in the pro blogging world, I had to learn from the "experts" how to earn a little from what I enjoy doing (blogging). I was able to get the hang of it and it was fun to be able to get a few dollars solely on what I think.

July 07 was when Jen surprised me with my baby shower. This year just made me realize how great my friends are. I even reconnected with Owie who I haven't spoken for a long time. They made me feel that even though I don't have my family around, I still had people to rely for support. I also started a blog for Gavin which had everything about him, down to my pre-natal appointment details.

August 07 was the most anticipated month since we were all excited about Gavin's arrival. After an early labor scare, Gavin arrived a week earlier than planned. And despite my birthing plan on having another C-section, Gavin was came out naturally. On the 29th of the month, Gavin was born after 16 hours of labor through VBAC.

The first months with Gavin was a blur, with the nightly routines to the adjustment of having a new baby. My hands were suddenly full with diaper changing and feeling sessions. It's amazing how a little baby could radiant so much joy despite everything that's going on with my life.

October 07 was Gavin's first hospital confinement. At 6 weeks, Gavin had to stay for 3 days in the pediatric ward due to RSV. It gave me quite a scare since I just hate seeing a sick baby, especially my own. But what happened to Gavin became the reason why my father and I started speaking again. After year of no communication, my dad called, wanting to know if Gavin's okay.

November 07 was when my dad saw Gavin for the first time and I saw VJ as well. It was kinda weird seeing him again, both of us with a new baby in our lives. Gavin also started eating solid food by the end of this month.

December 07 - Despite being the last month of the year, I was still lucky to be able to get a job, giving me enough hope that I could finally manage to support my family. It's hard juggling motherhood and work but I know I have to do everything I could in order to give my children the best there is possible.

I do have a lot of things I wish to accomplish by the start of 2008. And although I had to struggle to get through the year, I'm quite happy that I have survived to welcome a new year. 2007 gave me a new baby, a new approach to life, a new relationship with my friends, a new connection with my dad and so I guess I should still be thankful for all of these despite the odds.

On behalf of Jenna, Gavin, Glenn and me - We would like to wish everybody a blessed and healthy 2008.

Entry #187 - On Gavin's Fourth Month

While I was at work this morning, I realized that I haven't posted an update when Gavin turned four months (December 29).

Well.. my little man's now four months.

What's new with him?

1. He already started going to daycare, and he's the youngest kid there. Everybody loves him, probably because he's the baby in the group. But the lady taking care of him keeps telling me how a good baby he is, which surprises me since he keeps bothering me when I'm around.

2. He eats more solid food in a day. Now, he has a wide variety of bottle food to choose from. Although I promised that I would be making home-cooked meal for him, I guess I have a lot in my hands that I keep relying on the bottled ones.

3. His 3-6 month clothes won't fit him anymore even if I try. So I have to buy him the 6-9 month sized clothes just so he would have something to wear. Good thing I already started working or else he would have to use Sophie's old clothes (which are all pink).

4. He salivates a lot, to the point that he soaks up a bib right away. And he sucks his thumb as well, which I try to stop as early as now since I don't want him to get use to it. Everybody thinks that he's teething, which seems to be a valid reason for him to be full of laway all the time.

5. He can now turn in bed, which means I can't leave him anymore by himself (unless he's in his crib). He moves a lot, kicking his feet all the time so he ends up rotating all over the bed. The lady at daycare says that he's an active baby and that he would probably start walking early. Well, I hope he does because he's starting to become too heavy for me to carry.

6. Little by little, he's starting to learn how to hold his bottle by himself without a lot of help from me. There are times when he would grab the bottle the moment I feed him and he would just hold on to it until there's none left to drink. There are nights when I'd be too sleepy to hold his bottle, he would do it himself but would throw the empty bottle at me, prompting me to wake up

7. He laughs a lot. When you talk to him, play with him or just make funny noises, he would start giving me those cute laughs, I can't stop myself from looking like a fool just so I could hear more of it. I've danced, walked, talked and sand like a crazy person infront of my little boy just so he would give me laughs that would make my day complete.

Every month with Gavin seems to be a road to a lot of changes. Each day, I keep learning new things about him, and with that I get to try to know him little by little just like any parent would have to go through. Every kid is different. So even if I've gone through the same path with Jenna, there's always something new I seem to find in Gavin that I didn't with Jenna. Gavin and I are at the stage wherein as a parent I try to figure out the personality slowly forming out of this little being, and in his part, Gavin's beginning to find his place wherein he would just fit it, may it be within my embrace or with the care of others.

Growing up is a new experience for both of us, and I'm loving every minute of it.

HERE'S A FEW OF HIS PICTURES THE DAY HE TURNED FOUR MONTHS

I could call him "Gavin Laugh-a-Lot"

Kakagigil!

Mommy and Gavin (tuloy-laway)

Sophie and Gavin

Gavin enjoying his rattle/teether

That day, I actually prepared a small feast for him. I made crab cakes, pad thai, pork with black beans, and baked potatoes. I was in the mood to cook so I thought that maybe we could celebrate Gavin's fourth month.

He's a few shots of what I made for Gavin's mini-party just for us (Sheryll, Sophie, Eddie, Jaslyn - Eddie's niece, and me)

I've been craving for this for awhile and I was just happy the results came out okay.

I got his Asian cookbook from the library and I told myself that I should try cooking this so I did it and although it wasn't really the same as the one they sell in the restaurants, it still had that similar Thai/peanut taste so nobody complained

Well, I wasn't able to take a picture of the pork with black beans but Eddie loved it, suggesting that I cook it again one of these days.

Sheryll made fruit salad for dessert and she had to use the cool whip since she could find any all-purpose cream in the near-by grocery.

We had a full dinner that day with a lot of left-overs to enjoy for the next day. I just wish Glenn and Jenna were here to same the day with us.